Battle stations! Wassies to your posts! This is a code purple alert! Cap’n 10 4 off the starboard bow!!
You have heard of the hunt for the black pearl of wassie, I assume? Of course you have. You will then of course be aware of the eight pirate captains scouring the wassie oceans for this fabulous treasure. They come from the all four points of the compass, plus those four bits exactly equidistant between the four points of the compass that are always a bit cumbersome to say.
From due North sails Cap’n 10 4. His reputation is as a merciless brute. A wassie with a heart of stone and nautical skills to rival wassneptune himself. All of this is incorrect. He in fact likes origami, quiet nights by the fire and walking his pet rock, Steve. His heart overflows with love for all living things, and he doesn’t know his main-line from his halyard. But he’s a pirate dammit, and if he has to stab that kraken to death with his crochet needles he’s gonna mf do it!