Of Wassies, a history

It is unclear exactly when or even where these creatures originated, they hadn’t been documented in any sort of previous journal in history but in a span of a few years it’s simply accepted that they exist alongside us. By the time we fully understood the biology of these… wassies it was too late to stop the spread. I document its brief history as an introduction below.

The first documented discovery was in Japan, there a group of people were found in a mess of blood and gore, it was uncertain at the time as to why and when asked about it under an interrogation they claimed that they had lost control over their bodily functions and were suddenly filled with an intense need to strangle and rip apart the creatures they saw. This was the first documented case of what we now know as extreme cute aggression, or more colloquially now, wassie aggression. Cute aggression has been well documented in our history and from an evolutionary perspective it’s been stated by Stavropoulos – “Cute aggression may serve as a tempering mechanism that allows us to function and actually take care of something we might first perceive as overwhelmingly cute”, I am of the firm belief that wassies have evolved to exploit this nature to its extremes. We humans are not the ones in control here.

From the local area the spread began and it only proliferated from there, soon enough these seemingly never before seen creatures were being found continuously massacred wherever they showed up, for awhile Japan was criticised as a place where the depraved would dwell. A movement rapidly began to get these seemingly endangered creatures into conservatories worldwide as well as a quite a few obvious collectors that wanted to keep these seemingly cute creatures to themselves. Of course, it is my firm belief that this spread, while inevitable, was a true mistake.

It turned out wassie aggression was not localised only to the Japanese and soon many people worldwide were found in shock as they slaughtered wassies en-masse by those that couldn’t control themselves. A lapse in concentration would mean that you would find yourself having strangled, ripped, stabbed or thrown a wassie until as much of its pieces were spread around you. It’s described as a meditative trance and only after you were done would you stand in shock at what you’ve done. For many at first it was traumatic but as it regularly happened worldwide, often in the street in front of you, we became numb to it. A counterculture formed and it became trendy to talk about and plan out the callous murder and often torture of these creatures.

This was a brief summary of the incredibly short history of wassies that people vaguely know but do not care to learn more about. I implore to those that will listen, please heed the warnings of I and our fellow researchers of the potential disaster that is to come.

-Olom Tard